I’ve struggled with depression for most of my life. Even with this challenge, I was fairly successful in school and life. After a few years in an abusive religious situation and working in overseas relief work I found myself struggling more with troublesome memories. Still, I was able to cope and get through. Once I started having children, I noticed my comping mechanisms weren’t as effective. My “postpartum” depression was not improving as the children got older. This manifested as anxiety or anger and a general inability to make changes. I felt like I lost my self in the midst of the anxiety and depression.
Running, changing my diet and meditation helped to calm my brain and give me joy for brief periods but my thoughts would continue racing. Through the years I tried a number of medications and then weaned back off due to the significant side effects.
While doing research about new treatments I found information on ketamine. This has truly been a miracle treatment for me. After the first treatment I realized that my brain felt like it “reset”, and my thoughts were calm and at a normal pace. As the treatments progressed, I was getting out of bed without an hours long battle to get up. I wanted to get up. I feel like the medicine allowed me to distance myself from triggers and I was able to work through some old traumatic memories. I still have my same personality, but I feel like I found freedom from some things that were preventing me from having that true breakthrough. My self-care regimen is more effective in keeping me healthy rather than just trying to dig myself out of a hole.
Thank you for calling and I hope my testimonial below will encourage others that struggle with anxiety and depression to seriously consider Ketamine Infusion Therapy as an option…..
I was skeptical that Ketamine Infusion Therapy would provide any level of relief from years of struggling with anxiety attacks and depression. I did a lot of research on the subject and read a lot of testimonials that were positive so I made the decision to schedule the infusion therapy. I experienced positive results after the first infusion. I had a total of six infusions and the results continued to get better after each infusion. I haven’t experienced an anxiety attack or had any bouts with depression since my Ketamine Infusions. Mark Hall and Ben McCauley were amazing. They made every effort to make my infusion therapy as relaxed and as pleasant as possible.
I have struggled with anxiety and depression for 20 years. I have tried medicine, talk therapy, self-help books, meditation, diet and exercise with varying degrees of success. Many of those things have been helpful and good, but nothing has been as directly impactful in such a short period of time as the ketamine infusion I had at Denovo Therapy.
I decided to try the therapy after a lot of research, thought, and prayer. Although I had read several articles about ketamine infusions, I really did not know what to expect at an experiential level or in terms of therapeutic results. The staff at the clinic were warm and welcoming, and the treatment itself was very professional.
My experience during the infusion is a bit difficult to describe. I had a lot of the commonly described sensory experiences, but I also had emotional experiences that I can only describe as acceptance and perspective. I disconnected with my internal struggle and anxiety for the first time in many years. I was able to reconnect with a feeling of peace that I seemed to have forgotten without realizing it.
As interesting as the infusions were, the therapeutic results following the treatments were surprising to say the least. I found myself simply taking action were I had been stuck in analysis and hesitation. I was able to be more objective about my feelings as well. I did less needless struggling in my mind and used more of my time on the things I value like being present with my family, being productive at work, and serving in my church.
It has been several weeks since my last infusion as I write this. Although some part of me expected that I would experience less sadness or fear after treatment, I have found that I still have those emotions. I am actually thankful to have been wrong in that expectation. The treatments helped me to see my emotions in better perspective. I am better able to tell the difference between my feelings and myself. I have taken the feelings of acceptance and perspective forward with me and use them as reference points to return to when I start to notice that I am beginning to struggle and fight with my emotions. My ketamine infusion therapy has helped me to remember what it feels like to be at peace, and I am more able to return to that headspace as I navigate life.
I had struggled with depression off and on through out adulthood. I even had a period of life where I suffered form panic attacks. I had a lot of shame and fear about the responses in my body that seemed to come from nowhere, and that I could not control. I started seeing a therapist and meditating. I also made some lifestyle changes. Nothing extreme, but I started choosing better food when I could, taking some supplements, and going for walks. That helped me with the panic attacks, especially meditating. But I still had depression. I had a close friend that had done ketamine. I was impressed with their results and the changes they had.
The ketamine experience is hard to describe. The staff at Denovo does a good job but a description is still hard to put into words. I felt like I was in the universe. Maybe I was the universe. My music was deeper and more vibrant than I had ever heard. It was very beautiful and I felt a peace deep inside that I had never felt before. Although I was nervous, it was not scary. I could feel the chair and the staff in the room would check on me periodically and I could respond to them.
Although interesting, that’s not what made the difference for me. I did not know that had blocked out and was ignoring a trauma from childhood. I was aware of the event and memory, but it is like I didn’t know it had made me believe things and therefore do things and behave in certain ways through out my life. The ketamine experience was like a scalpel into a deep hidden abscess. It opened something that at the time I was scared of, but now I am relieved it is out in the open.
I spent the next few months thinking about how that place was influencing me. I also thought about how so many past decisions and even my life’s path were driven by this place. It helped to talk about it with my spouse. I understand now that the ignored trauma that I didn’t experience/process was influencing my present state of mind. I needed help processing something deep in me that I did not understand. It wasn’t easy but I am so glad that I was able to expose this part of me that needed to come out. As an added benefit I am a much better meditator now. That has helped me maintain the peace I felt and the benefit I got.
I’ve had a lot of diagnoses and mis-diagnoses over the last 30 years of my life, but the one thing I am sure of is that I have, at different times and to different degrees, experienced crippling anxiety and depression for a majority of the time I’ve been alive. I’ve been on literally dozens of different medications, I’ve gone through extensive counseling, and have been hospitalized on a few different occasions. Alcohol abuse, drug addiction, and legal issues have also been part and parcel of these issues.
For the past decade or so, this has all been manageable and somewhat tolerable through things like meditation, exercise, and working to help others with similar issues. The problem I’ve found is that it’s very easy for difficult times or stressful and traumatic events to bring me back to what feels like square one – overwhelming anxiety and debilitating depression. Over the last few years I experienced multiple traumatic events and the level of stress in my life became debilitating. It all brought me to a place where anxiety and depression were difficult to manage, even with a very healthy lifestyle and habits.
I have only been through two ketamine infusion so far, but the results have been immediately recognizable and have had a lasting impact on a foundational level for me. The most quantifiable results have been being able to taper off of Lexapro and Trazodone, and my sleep has improved and the levels of anxiety have dropped dramatically. I still remember every traumatic thing and I still experience anxiety at appropriate moments, but underneath it all is an understanding that they are temporary and will pass, and that everything will be OK.
I am not a fan of feeling intoxicated, and I do not enjoy the experience-blunting effects of SSRIs and other medications. The ketamine infusions have allowed me a deeper clarity and open engagement with my life. I cannot explain the mechanism behind how it all works, but these treatments have allowed me to see that the traumatic events of my life are simply part of my life – they do not have to be a constantly infected and unremovable splinter that creates pain and agitation every time it comes into my awareness.
I’m deeply grateful for the opportunity to go through ketamine infusions, and I plan to continue for the foreseeable future. I believe they can help me re-story and reconcile myself to many other things that have happened over the course of my life.